I’m in a right state this morning because I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know why I can’t cope. I don’t know that there is any way out but death. I don’t know if I’m wasting everyone’s time. I don’t know if I’m doing the wrong thing. I don’t know if I should be doing more.

I just don’t know – I’m terrified.

Scared right to my core.

And sorry to have roped so many people into this with me. Sorry to cause worry and stress and work and confusion. But I’m terrified. Terrified of not being able to have a tolerable future – of either having to die or live in this same pain and distress. I’m working so hard to get better. I’m really trying to move forward; I promise that I’m putting my all into this. I’m terrified of remaining in this situation.
I just don’t know what to do.


3 thoughts on “Despairing

  1. Have you thoughts about trying ECT? It was a lifesaver for me – dofficult procedure but completely removed the suicidality and depression by the end. Still symptom free now. Sounds like you don’t really have much lower to go. It may be time for more intensive treatment.


  2. I am so sorry that you feel so bad. I have no answers and I’m just a stranger but please know that you have nothing to apologise for – you are ill, and people are there who will look after you until you feel better. You don’t have to get better to please them, or to please anyone, your wellbeing is precious in its own right. I know that’s hard to feel when the pain is so bad. The severity of your pain sounds horrific. I am so sorry. I hope it feels better soon. Much love xxxx


  3. I’ve felt unhappy for the last few years but I feel I’ve turned a corner recently. You don’t have to do anything at the moment – just keep breathing and have faith that one day you’ll be happier.


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