I may or may not have just made up the word ‘prideful’, but I’m too worn out even for Google.
The good thing about the exhaustion is that, while primarily it’s the usual ‘poorly mind = tired brain and body’, some of that exhaustion is down to things that I’m feeling a teeny bit proud of. Pride in myself is not normal for me… it’s not even unusual, but is downright unheard of. There’s been a lot of emphasis by the professionals in my life that they think I have a hell of a lot to be proud of – especially over the last week or so – and very occasionally I’ve allowed myself to tentatively tip-toe into this uncharted territory. It never lasts long, isn’t strong, and comes wrapped in a whole lot of ‘badness’ – but I want to keep this post positive, so we will put that all aside for now.
Before I forget or second-guess myself, I want to capitalise on this moment by putting my achievements down in black and white…
– Surviving (especially surviving my birthday)
– Seeing so many people
– ‘Going with the flow’, when it’s completely out of my nature
– Reflecting constructively on therapy
– Raising goals and agenda items in therapy
– Being open and honest with my psychologist
– Choosing to take hope and motivation from these tough first stages with my psychologist
– Walking 3 miles home from therapy
– Forcing myself into the garden to take some photos
– Setting up my new printer
– Uploading and printing photos
– Attending art therapy pilot group
– Making a special effort to bring positive energy to art therapy
– Walking a total of 4.5 miles to get to and from art therapy
– Not going into self-destruct mode when things went awry
– Working on therapy homework
– Making an effort to play with my kitten
– Starting to paint garden fence
– Trying to be proud of myself
– Noting achievements for future Molly to look back on
Not a bad little list, if I do say so myself!