Anxiety shakes have been a prominent problem for me for a long time. Right now they are particularly debilitating, violently wracking my body from head to toe, showing the true physicality of mental illness.
Unfortunately, right now I’m having to rely on benzodiazapines to help both with these physical symptoms and the mental distress. That means putting up with the symptoms for as long as I can bear before facing the difficult decision of whether to face the hazy, impractical sedation of medication instead. The professionals working with me frequently express their confusion (and, truth be told, pleasure) at having to persuade someone to talk these medications rather than having to persuade them not to become reliant on or addicted to benzodiazapines! As it is, there really is little choice for me right now, so I have to ‘give in’ eventually. Ironically, I’d tell anyone else in my position that it most definitely isn’t weakness or failure to need medication to manage any illness or symptoms, but I just don’t feel that I deserve the help nor relief medication provides. I feel this is me being weak or pathetic rather than extremely unwell, and relying non he treatment program devised by experienced professionals. I’m such a hypocrite.
I’m such a mess!