Today is the first anniversary of me being admitted to that place. Not the easiest thing to cope with when just embarking on trauma therapy for the PTSD caused by the ‘intentionally cruel’ treatment I received from psychiatric professionals and subsequent serious suicide attempts during my 6 month admission there.
Basically, my mind are body are a complete mess right now, my mental health is in a catastrophic state, and I’m completely and utterly terrified that history will repeat itself with the current professionals trying to help me (so I’m not able to reach out and when I do get support I’m rendered a useless anxious, scared mess before, during and after). The lovely people in my CMHT here are really trying their best to help me, though, bless them – it’s just that this complex, looping, seemingly inescapable PTSD surrounding the very help and treatment that I need makes things difficult and confusing for all of us.
Trying to focus on this:
No matter what they wanted, expected, or put me through when I was at my most vulnerable and under their specialist care due to the severity of my illness…my story isn’t over yet.