Failing at Therapy

1. Long term, severe mental illness is running/ruining my life.

2. I need long term therapy and support from mental health professionals to start to move forward.

3. Cruel and punitive treatment in a psychiatric hospital last year makes it terrifying and almost impossible for me to engage with mental health professionals/therapy. I am terrified of being betrayed and hurt again so can’t trust mental health professionals, no matter how hard I try.

4. I need trauma therapy due to point 3 before being able to start to deal with point 1.

5. I need to stabilise and be able to effectively self soothe before I can start trauma therapy.

6. I need to engage with therapy and trust my psychologist to receive the necessary treatment and help to stabilise.

5. The trauma from point 3 makes point 6 impossible and makes the original therapy, treatment and help that I should have been receiving equally impossible. 

6. Return to start in an unbreakable, torturous loop.

No way forward; hopeless.

I also need to stop taking drawings/writing to show psychologist to help me explain because she wants me to verbalise everything (and doesn’t want to have to read in session/outside of our designated time) instead so won’t look at anything, which I understand but I just can’t do it, no matter how hard i try, because of what happened last year.

I am pathetic, useless and terrified.

Yesterday’s visual journal is very apt!

This is futile; I’m failing therapy; I’m wasting everyone’s time.

I’ve lost the very last droplets of hope.


One thought on “Failing at Therapy

  1. (hug) This all sounds very frustrating. I’m hoping you keep moving forward and there will be a pin prick of light that will catch your eye and you find your way. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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