Things are horrific. I am horrific. I want just a moment of peace. I want to give in.
Emergency drug regime is making me feel permanently drunk, amnesiac, and exhausted. It’s completely necessary for my safety but I’m conscious of how it makes my existence even less real, that the sedation is just a stop-gap, dulling things ever so slightly and for the short term.
Hospital was mentioned by an Approved Mental Health Professional yesterday, so things are being taken very seriously. 😕😔 But that really isn’t an option as far as I am concerned.
I am extremely poorly, drained, conflicted and overwhelmed but I’ve been trying my hardest. It just seems it isn’t enough and never will be. I don’t know why everyone else thinks I’m worth fighting for. I don’t understand how I have such amazing friends and family, as well as outstanding professionals doing their best for me. I don’t deserve any of this help and support. I don’t even know what I am, or if I am anything at all.
I don’t understand.
I don’t know what to do.