Currently, I’m struggling massively and am very unwell. I’ve started so many posts or thought of so much that I want to write about, but just haven’t been able.
It’s a fight to see each hour through. It’s a fight to continue breathing. It’s a fight that I don’t know that I want to win.
I’m losing in every way. I don’t know why I keep going.
I’ve been trying so hard but it’s all so futile. I’m a tortured ball of sadness, fear and pain. I just want a second of peace. Even if that second means an eternity of nothing, the end of everything. I can’t fight much longer. I can’t live like this much longer. My strength and bravery have gone entirely. I am now nothing but pain.
Why do my greatest efforts not bring even the tiniest improvements?
Why should I waste others’ time, love, resources and hope?
Why keep fighting when there is nothing but pain?
Why am I so irreversibly broken?
Why can’t I just give in?