A Year On – Where Am I?

****Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide Attempts and Their Aftermath****   On this day, a year ago, my heart stopped beating. I had been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 months and my mental distress was at such a height – combined with not a single drop of hope – that I decided both that I… Continue reading A Year On – Where Am I?

“I’m very relieved to know that you’re still alive”

Those were the words that my therapist greeted me with as I arrived at my session today. It may seem blunt, but such is my life and I appreciate her taking the bull by the horns and making that sentiment known to me (she knows full well that I believe myself to be a burden… Continue reading “I’m very relieved to know that you’re still alive”

When Each Decision Feels Like it’s Life-or-Death

I’m fed up of my life being balanced on such a precipice that each small, everyday decision feels like it might be the one that pushes me over the edge. Having finally come to terms with how completely messed up the wiring in my head is, meaning that the psychological interventions that help many actually… Continue reading When Each Decision Feels Like it’s Life-or-Death

The Suicide Monster 

***Please be aware that this post discusses suicide – please do not read on if there is any chance that this may trigger you or adversely affect your health in any way*** I’m starting to realise that this certainty that I have to die (and ASAP) is coming from something ‘other’, something completely out of… Continue reading The Suicide Monster 

Snippets of the Day-to-Day Happenings of This Girl in Mental Health Crisis

I’ve been posting more sparsely lately as my brain power and mental health have deteriorated further and I’m so much of a perfectionist that it almost hurts when I post something full of mistakes, or with little planning or thought put in to it, even when it’s unavoidable. But I’ve started to write a diary… Continue reading Snippets of the Day-to-Day Happenings of This Girl in Mental Health Crisis