I am not a real person, I am nothing but self hatred and shame in human form. I hate myself for being alive, I am ashamed of myself for existing. Everything I think or feel or do is wrong, fodder for derision, evidence against me. I try to do as little as possible, I try to stay quiet to stay safe – but then I hate myself for that too. Because in a most delightful twist, what I hate myself most for is hating myself, what I am most ashamed of is my shame. How do I untangle that? There seems to be no way out.

I am convinced everyone else hates me too, and how can I blame them? They all know I am disgusting and evil, they can all tell. The world feels a hostile place. I am scared to go out because I fear I will be…

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