I’ll be honest, I’ve no idea what my 60 sessions of ‘Relationally-Oriented Integrated Therapy’ will look like – and my psychologist doesn’t really, either, as that’s sort of the point. We focus on the relationship, the many intricacies of what has built me/my struggles, and on what comes up in order to work on very… Continue reading What Does a Session of Relationally-Oriented Integrated Therapy Look Like?
It’s tough at the moment. More than tough and more than I can cope with. The only tiny bit of positivity is that a crisis nurse dragged me out yesterday to get some art supplies and, in the few brief bursts of minimal concentration since, I’ve been trying out a new technique: charcoal drawings. They’ve… Continue reading Drawing Through Darkness
TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDAL IDEATION This week has been horrific. So many horrors, for so many reasons. An all-c0nsuming urge to end my life, fed into from different triggers and factors. But this week I have been so impressed by the response of my local crisis team to me. On Thursday, for the first time ever,… Continue reading An Example of Crisis Team Excellence
Trying to escape the world: a whimsical, childish drawing to accompany the sort-of-poem of the other day.
TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS Today is the second anniversary of the first time I tried to kill myself; a day that almost nobody knows about (most think my first attempt was the one that led to hospital admissions 6 weeks down the line). All the horror – in its many forms – both… Continue reading Difficult Anniversaries with Mental Health Problems
The horrors of the world are overwhelming at the moment and, although earlier I had planned to write about how I’m entirely failing to cope, I now feel guilty commenting on the extent of my current despairing struggles which pale in comparison to the realities of terror experienced by so many right now. My thoughts and love are with all affected.
So, instead, I’ll share a little experiment of mine: a first attempt at creative writing encouraged by a member of the crisis team tonight (fair warning: it’s no masterpiece and could have been written by a 10 year old! But at least I attempted some creative escapism)…
It’s just something silly at a time I thought we all could probably do with exactly that, so please don’t judge!
These are one of those days that I’m not sure it’s possible to really ‘get’ unless you’ve been here; actually, even being here right now, I don’t get it. Today was mainly spent sat on the floor crying. Overwhelmed with paralysing fear, despair and self-hatred…only growing further as more time passed whilst I was a… Continue reading How Can I be Proud of a Day that Mainly Involved Crying on the Floor?