Trigger warning: discussion of suicide attempts and method
A year ago today, I hung myself in intensive care, having already come very close to dying several days earlier.
This week has been an horrific struggle, and I very nearly died 2 weeks ago as well. But today a recovery worker at my placement handed me this as I came to bed and I shed a tear at such a kind sentiment, no matter how little I feel I deserve it.
If you can’t read it, it says:
Feeling sad for yourself – why not? It’s good that you have been able to recognise and name your emotions.
A year ago today was a tough time for you – the positives are that you are still with us.
I understand that you have changed the dressing on your stomach wound – the good thing here is that you have recognised the need to attend to the wound, helping to keep it infection free.
With a wound of this nature, I would be very surprised if you did NOT feel pain/sickness and that is not likely to encourage feelings of hunger and you also walked to your appointment with Ruth – I’ll bet the Consultant at GWH didn’t recommend that!!!! However, you are Molly and as you have said to me before “if I can, I will”.
I think it is sad that you have had to ask your mum to look after your guinea pigs instead of them being able to stay here with you. But you have acknowledged the reason why and have said that had you had all the information beforehand then it is a decision you would had reached without input from others – an affirmation of your consideration for otgers.
What’s rude about expressing how you are feeling? I think it’s admirable when people are able to do this because so many can’t or just don’t know where to begin.
Surviving what happened a year ago and also a couple of weeks ago – maybe that’s your survival instincts kicking in and surviving is one of the steps needed for your recovery.
I believe Molly is there – How would you have been able to feel sadness for yourself if she wasn’t? We have heard you laugh, you are an intelligent young lady who.is quick witted and has a good sense of humour – what’s not to like?
Hang in there…..
I am beyond touched.