Days From Hell Approaching

Tomorrow:

11am Commissioner coming to gather evidence and talk to me to assess if they will keep funding my placement

2.30pm Meeting with CCs, placement psychologist, placement manager, senior keyworker and ODM of the company to review/assess/gather evidence ahead of funding panel

Tuesday:

9.30am Funding panel that decides my future

11am Therapy, last before psychologist goes on leave

1.30pm Cardiac test aiming to make me pass out through tachycardia

If you could cluster all my triggers and trauma within 36 hours, it would be the next two days. Truly farcical, if it wasn’t real life!

Send me strength!

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11 thoughts on “Days From Hell Approaching

  1. Maybe time to actually start trying to be well. We’ve all had it tough with closures and the cuts that have hurt us all so bad. If you really want to actually live. You have a choice. I don’t disbelieve you’re unwell but you’re so institutionalised I think you don’t really try.

    Yeah I’m horrid but even with maximum help you don’t engage. Your team trying to keep you alive? WTAF I don’t think you really want to. Keep testing everyone. You’re not Claire G who had rubbish help and died. You’ve had beyond good care and keep ending up in a&e. Don’t know why you bother me so much but you do and that prob says more about me than you.

    Everything that anyone says is sugar coated cos of what you may do. You’ve at least got peoole that love you. It’s even harder when you don’t. Cushioned and cossetted til you don’t even know what the real world is. Sorry but your whining is just too much and it says so much about your placement and you being the main housemate 🤔

    Like

    1. How dare you use Claire as a weapon?! The death of a friend is not something that I will tolerate being used in any way. This definitely says more about you than me…learn to not comment if you are going to be cruel and meaninglessly vile.

      Don’t comment on engagement when you don’t have a fucking clue, either.

      Like

    2. How fucking dare you. You gave no idea about how much she engages, how hard she has worked and is working on her recovery and how much she wants to live. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. if you think her chronicling her experiences and illness is “whining” and it’s getting on your nerves then FUCK OFF, nobody makes you follow her blog or read it so just stop. And stop trolling her with your vicious vile comments.
      And do not ever use the very painful death of a friend against her – that is particularly vile and does say an enormous amount about you.
      Never comment on her blog again.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. If only people knew what actually goes on in others’ lives when deciding to judge without reason.

        Reading reports and referral letters from CPN and clinical psychologist…
        “Molly also struggles with intense internal thoughts and a very negative view of herself, where she feels she is undeserving of time and input from services and this further perpetuates her suicidal & self harming thoughts and need to punish herself”
        “Molly has made a significant reduction in the frequency and severity of her self harm and has developed a degree of emotions resilience and tolerance…actively engaged…also engaged…has been actively involved…”
        “Molly has an extensive history of lethal & severe self harm & suicide attempts, often triggered by internalizing difficulties in interpersonal relationships, feeling that she doesn’t deserve input from services & that she needs too much input & is a burden to everyone in her life”

        Maybe think before you decide to say things that you obviously can’t even begin to understand.

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        1. I know you have to be prepared for trolls when posting things online but actually it’s very important that I try to stop internalizing, try to believe I don’t destroy everyone I touch. Being an asshole & going out of your way to actively reinforce damaging beliefs instilled by childhood trauma is heartless.

          Like

    3. If only people knew what actually goes on in others’ lives when deciding to judge without reason.

      Reading reports and referral letters from CPN and clinical psychologist…
      “Molly also struggles with intense internal thoughts and a very negative view of herself, where she feels she is undeserving of time and input from services and this further perpetuates her suicidal & self harming thoughts and need to punish herself”
      “Molly has made a significant reduction in the frequency and severity of her self harm and has developed a degree of emotions resilience and tolerance…actively engaged…also engaged…has been actively involved…”
      “Molly has an extensive history of lethal & severe self harm & suicide attempts, often triggered by internalizing difficulties in interpersonal relationships, feeling that she doesn’t deserve input from services & that she needs too much input & is a burden to everyone in her life”

      Maybe think before you decide to say things that you obviously can’t even begin to understand.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well he’s clearly either a twit, or a troll, either way the comments are clearly demonstrate why there is still a stigma regarding mental health.
        I think you are inspiring

        Liked by 1 person

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