Things I Never Thought I’d Be Able to Say: 9 Months in to Inpatient Treatment for Personality Disorder

Out of area locked placements for the treatment of personality disorders frequently get a lot of bad press, and I can often see why this is the case. Fortunately, I have been very lucky (finally!) with my current placement which, although it is several hours drive from home and run by a private company (usually situations which draw fire), has helped me make progress that I never dreamed possible. It is slow and steady work but, 9 months (and 1 day!) in to my time here, the specialist support and intensive therapy has meant that I finally have some hope and a big shift in my understanding of myself.

 

Things that I never thought I’d be able to say but can now:

  1. I have just finished a distance learning course (Level 2 Extended Certificate in Health and Social Care)
  2. I do not feel suicidal at the moment
  3. I feel hope that I have a potential future
  4. I have only self-harmed twice in 2019
  5. I am experiencing some upwards fluctuations in my mood (brief snippets of times where I feel ok and a little bit ‘normal’)
  6. I think I might stand a chance of training for and working in a healthcare profession (possible as a nurse or an occupational therapist)

 

If someone had said that I would believe any of those 6 points this time last year, I would have laughed in their face! So to think all of them…I am both bemused and blessed. It has been such an incredibly tough journey to get to this placement and likely only less than halfway through the bumpy road of the treatment program here, with a lot of hard work still to go, but at least I know that I am experiencing genuine progress.

So for any of you out there who see no hope, no way out and no future: please remember me and my journey, and please keep holding on. There were so many times I gave up, so many situations I saw no way out of, so many failed treatment plans BUT I am more glad than I can say that I made it through it all and am where I am now.

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