While sobbing incoherently down the phone to the wonderful, patient crisis team manager, she had the idea that I should compile a list of 10 good things about myself (in order to try to reduce those feelings expressed in the previous post). There are to be no buts allowed, and they have to be things… Continue reading 10 Good Things About Me
This evening, I feel like I’ve ruined everything (in terms of my care) – that I have personally caused irreversible damage to the therapeutic relationships and trust that I’ve worked so hard to build, that I’ve let down the people who have gone so far out of their way for me (this is unfortunately compounded… Continue reading It’s All My Fault
So, here we are again. It’s the night before the second part of my long-awaited psychological assessment under my local Community Mental Health Team. I feel like this is the exam of my life, for which there’s been no lessons or syllabus; like I’m up for trial and, if I’ve not gathered sufficient evidence, I face a death sentence. I know this isn’t the case, rationally (there are no right or wrong answers, no laws broken, no-one with sterns looks or silly wigs), but try getting clinical anxiety to listen to reason.
The past while has been particularly awful for me, due to a combination of unbearably intense emotional/mental distress and a complete lack of hope for things improving. I know why I want to (and should) keep fighting, it’s the how that I’m stuck on. But the one thing that I’m proud of myself for is… Continue reading Reasons to Keep Fighting
*Trigger warning: suicidal ideation* The past while has been particularly tearful and particularly hopeless; the first stemming from the latter alongside my final admission to myself that it would be sad for me if I died (I never allow myself to feel sadness or any other negative emotions unless it is for other people or… Continue reading So Many Tears, So Little Hope