I Am A GIANT Shrug (Visual Journal)

Some Recent Sketches

I’ve been struggling a lot recently but have managed to get a few small pieces of drawing done – some small victories. 

‘The Crisis Team Cure: A Parody of Advice Commonly Given to Vulnerable & Distressed People in Mental Health Crisis’

The Crisis Team Cure.jpg

Oh how I wish I could say this was a complete fantasy or massive exaggeration, however it is scarily close to the truth. In fact, in the past week alone, every single one of these things (and more) have been suggested or said to me (minus pouring the tea directly over my head whilst in the bath…but I’ve felt like doing so out of sheer desperation and frustration) and I have had constant responses such as this in the past. And it isn’t just me; what prompted me to draw this were several posts in the Mind Our Minds and Doodle Chronicles Peer Support Groups.

Time and again, highly vulnerable and distressed people are dismissed with condescending suggestions of having a bath/cup of tea/walk (even when certain of these things at certain times actually pose an additional risk) and/or are criticised and blamed for being acutely unwell, rather than being offered even a short amount of therapeutic interaction or appropriate assessment/intervention.

I do want to finish by saying that by no means am I suggesting that all crisis team staff act in this way (I have had 2 simply outstanding phone conversations with crisis team nurses over the past week, as well, which I hope to write about when I am able – this past post demonstrates the confusing and opposing approach of crisis team staff) and I want to say a huge thank you to those of you who do this demanding, undervalued and underpaid job with kindness and professionalism – you are true superheroes.

The formation of this chronically depressed, anxious, personality disordered, hopeless doodler

My mental health team and I have been exploring my past recently, which has involved a lot of painful acknowledgement of things that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel over the years. I decided to try to represent some of this visually. 

The writing isn’t always clear, so if you missed bits, it says..

A baby.

Unacknowledged, inescapable trauma.

Emotional problems.

Innate self-blame. 

Growing up in fear.

A child.

Internalising problems.

Overflowing with guilt, fear and shame.

Further trauma

-Complete loss of self

-Isolation

-Guilt

-Missing important periods of self-development

Tries to cope on own…

A broken adult.

Worn out by fighting alone.

Full of self-blame. 

Seeks help…finally-> traumatic abuse -> out of strength, fight, energy and trust

Finds good people.

BUT SO BROKEN. Beyond repair? 

How can this wreck be re-formed into some semblance of an adult human?

WHAT’S LEFT?

ME. šŸ˜¦