The Not Knowing Stance

Absolutely key to Mentalization Based Treatment, of which I am very fortunate to be undergoing in an intensive rehabilitation iinpatient service. I am almost 14 months in and for the first time am seeing significant positive change and hope for the future.

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Re: The Guardian’s Report on Locked Mental Health Rehabilitation Wards – A Patient’s Experience

The Guardian has published an article about locked mental health rehabilitation wards that has a lot of interesting figures in and some perspectives on the purpose and morality of wards such as these existing. This article and the figures within need to be looked at with balance and with regards to whether each ward does… Continue reading Re: The Guardian’s Report on Locked Mental Health Rehabilitation Wards – A Patient’s Experience

6 Months in to Personality Disorder Placement

As I type this, I’ve been meaning to do so for so long that I’m now actually closer to 7 months of being here. Where is here? Well, to me it is the place that has given me hope of a life. For the first and only time, I feel like I no longer am… Continue reading 6 Months in to Personality Disorder Placement

Libraries and Pondering the Future

Finally registered with the local library and got my first book out: ‘Confessions of a Male Nurse’. I’m looking forward to it greatly, especially as I suspect more and more that my future lies in healthcare. ‘Allsorts’ looks intrigued, too… šŸ˜‰ It’s been a while since I’ve had the concentration to sit and read, and… Continue reading Libraries and Pondering the Future

A Bit of My Leg Will Be In My Arm

**Trigger Warning: mention of self harm and medical treatment** Today I found out that I need to have surgery to deal with some self harm that otherwise won’t heal. It’s one of those things that I know I have to deal with as potential repercussions of symptoms of my illness such as self harm- although… Continue reading A Bit of My Leg Will Be In My Arm

TOXCITY LEVEL EXCEEDED

TRIGGER WARNING: overdose

Today has been a day of fighting that bastard of a monster who takes control of my head and heart. I think of him like this:

That monster convinced me that even by sitting with other patients or staff I would spread the toxicity inside me to them and even worse that I was having such a bad impact that I couldn’t even just avoid people but would have to die.

I found some tablets on leave. I grabbed them. I meant to take them to punish myself.

But that little bit of Molly somehow battled past the monster long enough for me to grab a member of staff I know and trust. And I wrote a letter explaining, handed it over, and then had a chat with her and a nurse.

The staff were lovely- truly- but I still don’t know if I did the right thing or if it was really selfish of me to not remove myself for the good of everyone else. I still couldn’t sit with my usual group of friends here after the talks and PRN.

A very sad, scared and confused Molly šŸ˜¦

So the second week begins…

I can’t believe it’s the start of my second full week at New Placement already; it’s one of those weird time vortex situations that feels both like I only arrived yesterday and have been here for months at the same time. This week I get to try out a few more things – I’ve mainly… Continue reading So the second week begins…