6 Months in to Personality Disorder Placement

As I type this, I’ve been meaning to do so for so long that I’m now actually closer to 7 months of being here. Where is here? Well, to me it is the place that has given me hope of a life. For the first and only time, I feel like I no longer am… Continue reading 6 Months in to Personality Disorder Placement

Dishing out advice is so much easier than following it…

As someone who yesterday wrote this: Today I’ve struggled not to dissolve in to tears about the mess of a person I am and the mess of a year I’ve just had. Whether it was comparisons with others (the achievements and lives of my friends, people I went to school with, people I’ve been in… Continue reading Dishing out advice is so much easier than following it…

“Please, tell me more about my own Goddamn experiences”

Well this really struck a chord; unfortunately I think it will with anyone suffering from mental illnesses, and especially those with the more stigmatized ones such as personality disorders. I genuinely couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times that mental health professionals, with confidence and certainty, tell me rather than ask me (AKA… Continue reading “Please, tell me more about my own Goddamn experiences”

Forget All That You’re Not

These beautiful words were shared with me today and I just wanted to pass this important message on…

…I hope you can take them to heart and try to remember all that you ARE rather than what you’re not.

2-Week-iversary at Placement

This time a fortnight ago, I had been in my new home for just a couple of hours. Except, my new home is a specialist mental health placement for people with complex needs (focusing especially on personality disorders), set up to offer 24 hour help and support for between 1 and 3 years – a… Continue reading 2-Week-iversary at Placement

Living in Limbo

It’s a funny time at the moment: I’m waiting to move in to a new placement which is described as: “a 24-hour CQC-registered accommodation service for adults who experience severe mental distress. Residents have multiple and complex needs and are entering the service from high-level support and secure settings or as an alternative to hospital… Continue reading Living in Limbo

Cautious, Guilt-Ridden Gratitude (and the O word that shall not be named)

Oh the complexities of very poorly brains. Guess what? I have news – good things – that should make me want to dance or at least crack a little smile, but instead I am riddled with guilt…wishing that I could sacrifice myself and give others – the dozens of others that I know personally, the… Continue reading Cautious, Guilt-Ridden Gratitude (and the O word that shall not be named)

Analogies to help understand emotional struggles

The Crisis Team Manager met with me today to start some safety management work and she came up with a great analogy for my current struggles to let myself feel anything with regards to my recent news, especially because I feel like a useless hypocrite for not feeling happy and not being even a little… Continue reading Analogies to help understand emotional struggles

THE News

This is a weird one: the first time I’ve written a blog post knowing full well that multiple professionals involved in my care are now/have been reading my blog! So, to you folks: please make sure that you know that what I write here are all unfiltered thoughts, intended to be put out there with anonymity,… Continue reading THE News

Believe

Tonight’s word to focus on from an awesome crisis nurse is perhaps the hardest: Believe. 

Doodling Hope

Part of tonight’s homework from an awesome crisis nurse: Write and doodle around the word ‘Hope’, which I desperately need right now. I made a good go at it, no matter how little I believe it right now.

The World is Full of Surprises, Positive Art Journal

I’ve decided to start a positive art journal (focusing on good things, quotes that I like, nice things that happen etc.) alongside my usual visual journal which is a representation of my current thoughts and feelings, without agenda (and thus is generally more negative due to my poor mental health); this distinction between the two… Continue reading The World is Full of Surprises, Positive Art Journal

“Hands, put your empty hands in mine” – The Importance of Peer Support

From the moment I shared my first mental health doodle, peer support became a very real part of my well-being. First, it was on a small (but no less important) scale of friends and family getting in touch with kind words of encouragement and shared experience. From there it exploded until I was on the… Continue reading “Hands, put your empty hands in mine” – The Importance of Peer Support