“Please, tell me more about my own Goddamn experiences”

Well this really struck a chord; unfortunately I think it will with anyone suffering from mental illnesses, and especially those with the more stigmatized ones such as personality disorders. I genuinely couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times that mental health professionals, with confidence and certainty, tell me rather than ask me (AKA… Continue reading “Please, tell me more about my own Goddamn experiences”

Letters to Myself over an Expected Tough Time

I and the professionals around me knew that the last few days were going to be tough for me. Circumstances and the state of my mental health before, combined with the pressures and triggers over the festive period, as well as past experience led us to believe that it was going to be a tricky… Continue reading Letters to Myself over an Expected Tough Time

The Day My Family Said Goodbye

***TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE, NEAR DEATH, BEREAVEMENT*** Yesterday, my family were told to prepare themselves for my death and were called in to Resus to say their goodbyes. This was at my own hand. We’ve had many close calls –  a stint in intensive care, 3 lots of CPR+adrenaline,  5+ admissions to high dependency… Continue reading The Day My Family Said Goodbye

The Monster and Me

***TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal Ideation and Self Harm*** I wrote this the night before a very close call with death, to try to help explain to those helping me what I feel and experience – why I had to sacrifice my life.  “I’m terrified at the moment that any sort of hope or progress is going… Continue reading The Monster and Me

How Does This All Work?

WARNING: DISCUSSION OF THE THOUGHT PROCESSES SURROUNDING SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL IDEATION – PLEASE TAKE CARE READING ON IF YOU MIGHT BE TRIGGERED OR UPSET BY THIS As I start typing this, it’s 2am, and I’ve only just finished a 3 hour conversation with the person working the ‘waking night’ shift at my placement, who… Continue reading How Does This All Work?

Now 2 Years on, Reflecting Again on “A Year On – Where Am I?”

Anniversaries are always really hard for me and take a massive toll on my mental health. Another year from the post below and 2 from the events discussed I feel more broken, more hopeless, guiltier, more self-hatred and more ashamed than ever. It still feels like it should have worked 2 years ago for the… Continue reading Now 2 Years on, Reflecting Again on “A Year On – Where Am I?”

Well Placed Dark Humour in Mental Health

With the right patient and the right professional (and I really do mean that – it has to be a good balance and appropriate) a bit of dark humour can go a long way. My keyworker from the crisis team came to check on me on the ward this evening. I told him that my… Continue reading Well Placed Dark Humour in Mental Health

Being a Non-Thing

In therapy today we discussed what my psychotherapist called my “perplexing” notion of what effect my death would have as well as the disproportionate and unusually fast jump that my head makes from me upsetting someone or having any kind of negative impact on any other human to the solution being my death. We came… Continue reading Being a Non-Thing

Living in Limbo

It’s a funny time at the moment: I’m waiting to move in to a new placement which is described as: “a 24-hour CQC-registered accommodation service for adults who experience severe mental distress. Residents have multiple and complex needs and are entering the service from high-level support and secure settings or as an alternative to hospital… Continue reading Living in Limbo

An Example of Crisis Team Excellence

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDAL IDEATION This week has been horrific. So many horrors, for so many reasons. An all-c0nsuming urge to end my life, fed into from different triggers and factors.  But this week I have been so impressed by the response of my local crisis team to me. On Thursday, for the first time ever,… Continue reading An Example of Crisis Team Excellence

Difficult Anniversaries with Mental Health Problems

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS Today is the second anniversary of the first time I tried to kill myself; a day that almost nobody knows about (most think my first attempt was the one that led to hospital admissions 6 weeks down the line). All the horror – in its many forms – both… Continue reading Difficult Anniversaries with Mental Health Problems

Insight and Wisdom from Boggle the Owl

I stumbled across Boggle the Owl again today, and my did I need to hear his insight and wisdom!

I love this little owl and the messages that the artist conveys through him – they’re a good reminder for myself and anyone else who struggles with their mental health. 

Here are 3 of my favourite pieces:

Boggle on Anxiety
Boggle on ‘Laziness’
Boggle on ‘Cries for Help’

The Struggles of Mental Illness Don’t Stop Over the Holidays: Please be Gentle With Yourself and Others

If you need some extra help and support, please know that there is always somewhere to turn, even over the holidays.