Things I Never Thought I’d Be Able to Say: 9 Months in to Inpatient Treatment for Personality Disorder

Out of area locked placements for the treatment of personality disorders frequently get a lot of bad press, and I can often see why this is the case. Fortunately, I have been very lucky (finally!) with my current placement which, although it is several hours drive from home and run by a private company (usually… Continue reading Things I Never Thought I’d Be Able to Say: 9 Months in to Inpatient Treatment for Personality Disorder

Trigger Warning: Killed by my Debt (BBC)

Please be warned that Killed by my Debt is graphic and there are images of suicide method and a *lot* of build up to it. Please be careful if you are at all vulnerable to this – it is a troubling watch; an important message but told in a particularly graphic manner. Take care x

A Day in the Life (Visual Journal) – Mental Health Awareness Week

“Please, tell me more about my own Goddamn experiences”

Well this really struck a chord; unfortunately I think it will with anyone suffering from mental illnesses, and especially those with the more stigmatized ones such as personality disorders. I genuinely couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times that mental health professionals, with confidence and certainty, tell me rather than ask me (AKA… Continue reading “Please, tell me more about my own Goddamn experiences”

‘Compartmentalised selves’

My mental illness is complex. I get told this all the time, with varying levels of frustration. It’s one of those phrases that I don’t think usually holds much meaning (in fact I think it normally represents fear from professionals/services rather than the person in question); however, today was one of those days that I… Continue reading ‘Compartmentalised selves’

Forget All That You’re Not

These beautiful words were shared with me today and I just wanted to pass this important message on…

…I hope you can take them to heart and try to remember all that you ARE rather than what you’re not.

I Choose To Live

Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide I choose to live. Or, I hope I do, anyway. My life, my choices, my personality, my ‘needs’ – or lack of – have up until now always been decided based on the good of others, not for me. I don’t even come in the top 10 of priorities considered… Continue reading I Choose To Live

The Power of Pride and Humour

Today has been a strange old day in my world. Mainly nothing ‘serious’…messing around with the staff at my placement, meeting with my care coordinators, talking to the mental health professionals here about things I’ve been working on, preparing to interview new staff with the senior recovery workers, watching Children in Need… However, a thread… Continue reading The Power of Pride and Humour

What Does an Occupational Therapist do in Mental Health? A Lot More Than You Might Think…

As someone fortunate enough to be living in a placement for complex mental health needs with an in-house occupational therapist, not only was my life genuinely saved by her last week  (she is the person that got me to reveal my location and coordinated emergency help, saving my life by a hair’s breadth), I spent… Continue reading What Does an Occupational Therapist do in Mental Health? A Lot More Than You Might Think…

2-Week-iversary at Placement

This time a fortnight ago, I had been in my new home for just a couple of hours. Except, my new home is a specialist mental health placement for people with complex needs (focusing especially on personality disorders), set up to offer 24 hour help and support for between 1 and 3 years – a… Continue reading 2-Week-iversary at Placement

Awareness Without Provision…Still

Unfortunately my post from last year’s Suicide Awareness Day/Week is still sadly pertinent. Source: Awareness Without Provision  “This week is suicide prevention week and there’s a lot of discussion and debate about the support appropriate for those in suicidal crisis – how to prevent one killing oneself and, better, how to prevent reaching such a… Continue reading Awareness Without Provision…Still

“But you laughed yesterday!”

Burn on hand, duty doctor called in: “But you laughed yesterday! The staff are really confused that this happened after.” FFS. Nothing more misunderstood than ‘presentation’/public front vs what’s actually going on in reality in mental health. I’d told people all day and for the previous days what was going on, that there were horrific… Continue reading “But you laughed yesterday!”

Hold On Pain Ends

Today’s Occupational Therapy activity was stone painting. I made something I need to try to convince myself:

Hold
On
Pain
Ends

A Befuddling Day

Trigger warning: discussion of suicide.  I was supposed to die today. My plans were firm, my reasoning was definite in my head, I’d found ways to say goodbye without actually saying the words. I was meant to be dead.  Then, in a frenzy, I had a phonecall from the crisis team manager who didn’t have… Continue reading A Befuddling Day