In therapy today we discussed what my psychotherapist called my “perplexing” notion of what effect my death would have as well as the disproportionate and unusually fast jump that my head makes from me upsetting someone or having any kind of negative impact on any other human to the solution being my death. We came… Continue reading Being a Non-Thing
Recently, the manager of my local crisis team was invited to talk to post graduate nurses working in mental health and A&E about service user involvement in care planning/risk assessments and suicide prevention. She asked if she could use my case as an example both of how badly things can go wrong in this area… Continue reading What it is like to not be involved in risk management, care planning or significant decisions in mental health care
24 hours into an emergency stay in general hospital, at least 16 more hours until we know if there’s any permanent damage… Psych liaison nurse, bounding on to the ward with her most projecting voice, no hello: “I’m from the psych team! So are you embarrassed and ashamed about what you did?” General nurse jumps… Continue reading Tales from General Hospital: When General Nurses Beat Psych Liaison Hands Down
TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS Today is the second anniversary of the first time I tried to kill myself; a day that almost nobody knows about (most think my first attempt was the one that led to hospital admissions 6 weeks down the line). All the horror – in its many forms – both… Continue reading Difficult Anniversaries with Mental Health Problems
****MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS ALL OVER THIS POST**** Today marked my 4th day in intensive care following an attempt to take my life. It also marked the day of me being ‘medically cleared’ (aka not imminently about to die) and so finally at that very mysterious point of ‘fit for psych’…in my case, this meant that… Continue reading Attempted Suicide after 4 Days in Intensive Care
****Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide Attempts and Their Aftermath**** On this day, a year ago, my heart stopped beating. I had been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 months and my mental distress was at such a height – combined with not a single drop of hope – that I decided both that I… Continue reading A Year On – Where Am I?
Oh. My psychologist thinks PTSD from horrific treatment/very nearly ‘complete’ suicide/CPR/’neurotic tirade’ of consultant/intense Trauma over the 6 month admission in another Trust. This is on top of everything else (Mixed Personality Disorder, Depression, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, suicidality), the very things I was in hospital for. 😢 Now I have to have more assessments. She’s… Continue reading Oh. Another diagnosis?