The Monster in My Head

Drowning in Anxiety: the overwhelming, all-encompassing impact of anxiety

I’ve done my first doodle for a while: I’m struggling massively with anxiety at the moment and wanted to try to depict the way it impacts me (and others) physically as well as mentally. 

Dissolving Into a Puddle of Useless Sadness

Feeling hopeless and helpless. Useless beyond words. Darkness spreading to all that I touch; a shadow upon the world, fighting impossible internal battles to work out the least of all evils. Hating myself and my impact on those around me. Desperate for peace. 

Barely Hanging on and Losing the Fight

Barely hanging on

Only by the tiniest of threads

That thread is painful and tearing me apart

So far gone that help (asking/accepting) is just dragging others with me

Losing grip fast…and I’ve already lost it completely on multiple occasions

Losing the strength to carry on fighting and holding on even faster

Terrified

Exhausted

Confused

Overwhelmed

Tonight’s Crisis Team Wisdom

​Tonight’s crisis team wisdom: “If you went for a walk, you’d come back a different person – you could volunteer in school next week!” I’ve been housebound for 2 months. I haven’t gone out unaccompanied for 18 months. My risk level was raised to the very highest level with the Community Mental Health Team today… Continue reading Tonight’s Crisis Team Wisdom

The Suicide Monster 

***Please be aware that this post discusses suicide – please do not read on if there is any chance that this may trigger you or adversely affect your health in any way*** I’m starting to realise that this certainty that I have to die (and ASAP) is coming from something ‘other’, something completely out of… Continue reading The Suicide Monster 

Falling Apart at the Lightest Touch

One of the aspects of my mental ill health which I detest the most is my fragility. I fall apart – no, disintegrate – when even the smallest of things go awry. This morning went from off the charts anxiety, despair and suicidality to dissolving into non-functional panic when my psychologist phoned to let me… Continue reading Falling Apart at the Lightest Touch