Touching Words & Tearful Goodbyes

I move to an out of area inpatient placement on Thursday, 100 miles away from home. This has meant a week of almost non-stop ends of therapeutic relationships. Today has been bookended by particularly tearful goodbyes to my psychologist and the crisis team manager. And the tears have kept on flowing as I reflect on this incredibly touching poem the crisis manager left with me:

I am blown away.

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Angry

I think this is the first time I have ever allowed myself to feel this emotion FOR not AGAINST myself.

First time in nearly a quarter of a century.

I Choose To Live

Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide I choose to live. Or, I hope I do, anyway. My life, my choices, my personality, my ‘needs’ – or lack of – have up until now always been decided based on the good of others, not for me. I don’t even come in the top 10 of priorities considered… Continue reading I Choose To Live

Relationships Matter in Mental Health

After a day of shut down silence, I just spoke to one of the most awesome HCAs from the ward I spent 5 months on, now working for the crisis team and still as awesome. Unlocked some emotion. Many tears (actually a good thing for me). Got me to communicate where there’s been just detached… Continue reading Relationships Matter in Mental Health

What Does a Session of Relationally-Oriented Integrated Therapy Look Like?

I’ll be honest, I’ve no idea what my 60 sessions of ‘Relationally-Oriented Integrated Therapy’ will look like – and my psychologist doesn’t really, either, as that’s sort of the point. We focus on the relationship, the many intricacies of what has built me/my struggles, and on what comes up in order to work on very… Continue reading What Does a Session of Relationally-Oriented Integrated Therapy Look Like?

My First Psychotherapy Session

Why does that sound like the last in a range of ‘My First…” books for toddlers? I actually wish that book existed, to be quite honest… But, you know what? It actually went OK! A lot of it was just talking over how this is going to work, that Relationally-oriented Integrated Therapy isn’t like a… Continue reading My First Psychotherapy Session

Cautious, Guilt-Ridden Gratitude (and the O word that shall not be named)

Oh the complexities of very poorly brains. Guess what? I have news – good things – that should make me want to dance or at least crack a little smile, but instead I am riddled with guilt…wishing that I could sacrifice myself and give others – the dozens of others that I know personally, the… Continue reading Cautious, Guilt-Ridden Gratitude (and the O word that shall not be named)