Days From Hell Approaching

Tomorrow: 11am Commissioner coming to gather evidence and talk to me to assess if they will keep funding my placement 2.30pm Meeting with CCs, placement psychologist, placement manager, senior keyworker and ODM of the company to review/assess/gather evidence ahead of funding panel Tuesday: 9.30am Funding panel that decides my future 11am Therapy, last before psychologist… Continue reading Days From Hell Approaching

The formation of this chronically depressed, anxious, personality disordered, hopeless doodler

My mental health team and I have been exploring my past recently, which has involved a lot of painful acknowledgement of things that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel over the years. I decided to try to represent some of this visually. 

The writing isn’t always clear, so if you missed bits, it says..

A baby.

Unacknowledged, inescapable trauma.

Emotional problems.

Innate self-blame. 

Growing up in fear.

A child.

Internalising problems.

Overflowing with guilt, fear and shame.

Further trauma

-Complete loss of self

-Isolation

-Guilt

-Missing important periods of self-development

Tries to cope on own…

A broken adult.

Worn out by fighting alone.

Full of self-blame. 

Seeks help…finally-> traumatic abuse -> out of strength, fight, energy and trust

Finds good people.

BUT SO BROKEN. Beyond repair? 

How can this wreck be re-formed into some semblance of an adult human?

WHAT’S LEFT?

ME. šŸ˜¦

Oh. Another diagnosis?

Oh. My psychologist thinks PTSD from horrific treatment/very nearly ‘complete’ suicide/CPR/’neurotic tirade’ of consultant/intense Trauma over the 6 month admission in another Trust. This is on top of everything else (Mixed Personality Disorder, Depression, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, suicidality), the very things I was in hospital for. šŸ˜¢ Now I have to have more assessments. She’s… Continue reading Oh. Another diagnosis?