Brain Fog

‘Brain fog’ (not a clinical term!!) is one of the most overlooked, but arguably one of the hardest to fight, symptoms of mental illness. Most frequently associated with depression – though I’m sure it is symptomatic of a range of illnesses, as well as a side effect of certain medications – this seemingly inescapable mushing of the brain is distressing, disconcerting and debilitating.

Before I get sucked even further into alliteration (which brings a kind of childish geeky satisfaction), I’ll let doodle-Molly try explain visually…

IMAG6416_1

Not only does mental illness attack my mood, emotions, sense of self, relationships, hope, and tone of my thoughts…it also makes the notion of being able to simply navigate my own brain seem less likely than Father Christmas visiting me on a unicorn with the gift of happiness for all living creatures. (I may have gotten carried away with that simile…)

All thoughts and ideas are hidden within a thick fog, quickly getting lost or losing their colour. It robs me of…well…’me’. Or that’s how it feels when the fog is thickest and my despair is deepest; which just goes to show how the range of symptoms connect and try to eat me alive from all angles. It kind of feels like mental illness has all of the bases covered, predicting and destroying my methods of fighting back; kicking me when I’m already at my lowest. It’s a dirty opponent.

I sometimes wonder whether the fog would lift if I just squinted and focussed hard enough; then I remember that mental illness has also drained my energy until I’m running on fumes. Yet another piece of information that would have been obvious without the fog.

Bleurgh.

 

Postscript: I’m suffering from a particularly hideous amount of self-doubt and self-criticism at the moment, making me have to fight hard to post anything here for fear of doing something ‘wrong’ (whatever that means); and the horrifically thick fog makes it impossible for me to concentrate and process my thoughts well enough to proofread or edit my posts, adding further to the doubt and criticism. But the irony of this when considering the content of this post has made me press ahead and publish it anyway…so please excuse me and my drivel if it makes little sense! 

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Brain Fog

  1. I feel like everything you have written or drawn are my own thoughts that I just couldn’t figure out how to say or get people to understand that I’m not just being a lazy flaky b*tch that can’t make up her mind on even the simplest of decisions. I feel like I’m not in control of my own body sometimes. Especially when it comes to my emotions. I’m so tired of apologizing for being sad or angry or feeling like I’m never going to be good enough. Thank you for writing how I feel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comment, Kristen. It means so much that I am able to help a few people through my own suffering, although I would much rather you were all spared this pain and thus weren’t able to relate to my words/pictures. Please know that I’m here if I can help in any way. Sending you a giant hug xx

      Like

      1. I was going to say the same thing. As much as it sucks I’d rather take the pain so others didn’t have to suffer. My oldest son is showing early signs of depression & he’s only going to be 11. 😢 I’ll do anything to take away his pain! Thank you for being there for people. I’m just starting my blog, but if you ever need someone to talk to or vent to, I’ll always be there to listen. Hugs back to you.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s