A Befuddling Day

Trigger warning: discussion of suicide.  I was supposed to die today. My plans were firm, my reasoning was definite in my head, I’d found ways to say goodbye without actually saying the words. I was meant to be dead.  Then, in a frenzy, I had a phonecall from the crisis team manager who didn’t have… Continue reading A Befuddling Day

Mental Illness Makes Me Feel Like An Illusion Of A Person

Full of nothing but pain.

Fooling the world.

Undeserving of the help and kindness that real people deserve. 

The Nonsensical Mental Health System: Boxes, Time Limits, Generalisations and Stigma

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A Year On – Where Am I?

****Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide Attempts and Their Aftermath****   On this day, a year ago, my heart stopped beating. I had been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 months and my mental distress was at such a height – combined with not a single drop of hope – that I decided both that I… Continue reading A Year On – Where Am I?

The Suicide Monster 

***Please be aware that this post discusses suicide – please do not read on if there is any chance that this may trigger you or adversely affect your health in any way*** I’m starting to realise that this certainty that I have to die (and ASAP) is coming from something ‘other’, something completely out of… Continue reading The Suicide Monster