I’ve decided to start a positive art journal (focusing on good things, quotes that I like, nice things that happen etc.) alongside my usual visual journal which is a representation of my current thoughts and feelings, without agenda (and thus is generally more negative due to my poor mental health); this distinction between the two… Continue reading The World is Full of Surprises, Positive Art Journal
Month: May 2016
I Wish
I wish I knew why this is so hard. I wish I knew why I can’t cope. I wish others weren’t affected by my struggles. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew why I’m not allowed to just give in. I wish I knew why I am so pathetic. I wish… Continue reading I Wish
Frazzled, Visual Journal 25/5/16
At the end of my tether.
When is a Failure Not a Failure?
I saw my interim care coordinator today. Yesterday, I text her to ask if she could please read my psychologist’s notes before our meeting because I had gotten myself into a state and wanted to know if I was just catastrophising or if my prospects were as bleak as I was convinced they were. She… Continue reading When is a Failure Not a Failure?
Failing at Therapy
1. Long term, severe mental illness is running/ruining my life. 2. I need long term therapy and support from mental health professionals to start to move forward. 3. Cruel and punitive treatment in a psychiatric hospital last year makes it terrifying and almost impossible for me to engage with mental health professionals/therapy. I am terrified… Continue reading Failing at Therapy
Positive Scrapbook: Grow
Deep in your wounds are seeds, waiting to grow beautiful flowers. – Niti Majethia
The Day It All Went Wrong
Today is the first anniversary of me being admitted to that place. Not the easiest thing to cope with when just embarking on trauma therapy for the PTSD caused by the ‘intentionally cruel’ treatment I received from psychiatric professionals and subsequent serious suicide attempts during my 6 month admission there. Basically, my mind are body… Continue reading The Day It All Went Wrong
12 Hours in PTSD
Thursday 19th May 11pm to Friday 20th May 11am *Trigger warning: suicide* Nightmare after nightmare after nightmare. I’m there, trapped, these people tearing me apart (mentally), intentionally hurting me, punishing me, being cruel to me – no escape- no end. FEAR. TERROR. CONFUSION. SELF-HATRED. PAIN. SHAME. PANIC. 👈that, or 👉 Nothing at all; numb; not… Continue reading 12 Hours in PTSD
An Achievement from One Hellish Day
Today has been horrific (I’ve started drafting a post on this but my frazzled brain has left it to finish tomorrow). However, despite the truly catastrophic state of my mental health, I managed to start painting another panel of our fence, which I’m quite proud of myself for – and it gave my wonderful mum… Continue reading An Achievement from One Hellish Day
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