Feeling hopeless and helpless. Useless beyond words. Darkness spreading to all that I touch; a shadow upon the world, fighting impossible internal battles to work out the least of all evils. Hating myself and my impact on those around me. Desperate for peace.
Barely hanging on
Only by the tiniest of threads
That thread is painful and tearing me apart
So far gone that help (asking/accepting) is just dragging others with me
Losing grip fast…and I’ve already lost it completely on multiple occasions
Losing the strength to carry on fighting and holding on even faster
Tonight’s crisis team wisdom: “If you went for a walk, you’d come back a different person – you could volunteer in school next week!” I’ve been housebound for 2 months. I haven’t gone out unaccompanied for 18 months. My risk level was raised to the very highest level with the Community Mental Health Team today… Continue reading Tonight’s Crisis Team Wisdom
This week is suicide prevention week and there’s a lot of discussion and debate about the support appropriate for those in suicidal crisis – how to prevent one killing oneself and, better, how to prevent reaching such a crisis point. However, what often gets missed is the provision available to help those in need –… Continue reading Awareness Without Provision
****Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide Attempts and Their Aftermath**** On this day, a year ago, my heart stopped beating. I had been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 months and my mental distress was at such a height – combined with not a single drop of hope – that I decided both that I… Continue reading A Year On – Where Am I?