Tales from General Hospital: When General Nurses Beat Psych Liaison Hands Down

24 hours into an emergency stay in general hospital, at least 16 more hours until we know if there’s any permanent damage…  Psych liaison nurse, bounding on to the ward with her most projecting voice, no hello: “I’m from the psych team! So are you embarrassed and ashamed about what you did?”  General nurse jumps… Continue reading Tales from General Hospital: When General Nurses Beat Psych Liaison Hands Down

Still Not Processing

Still not processing the news.

Scaring myself.

Mental Illness Makes Me Feel Like An Illusion Of A Person

Full of nothing but pain.

Fooling the world.

Undeserving of the help and kindness that real people deserve. 

A Year On – Where Am I?

****Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide Attempts and Their Aftermath****   On this day, a year ago, my heart stopped beating. I had been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 months and my mental distress was at such a height – combined with not a single drop of hope – that I decided both that I… Continue reading A Year On – Where Am I?

Poorly × Police

​Life-threateningly poorly, call for medical help (and speak to lovely duty mental health worker over the phone, albeit from the wrong team because there was no answer from the crisis/emergency mental health team) but the only available solution was for the police to secretly be dispatched and make uninvited entry into my home. I admit… Continue reading Poorly × Police

Without Hope and Too Unwell to Write

Currently, I’m struggling massively and am very unwell. I’ve started so many posts or thought of so much that I want to write about, but just haven’t been able. It’s a fight to see each hour through. It’s a fight to continue breathing.  It’s a fight that I don’t know that I want to win.… Continue reading Without Hope and Too Unwell to Write

Drugged Up and Despairing

Things are horrific. I am horrific. I want just a moment of peace. I want to give in. Emergency drug regime is making me feel permanently drunk, amnesiac, and exhausted. It’s completely necessary for my safety but I’m conscious of how it makes my existence even less real, that the sedation is just a stop-gap,… Continue reading Drugged Up and Despairing