Trapped in a bubble of fear and panic

I’m absolutely consumed by my terror at the moment. Don’t know what to do about it. Don’t know where to turn. Don’t know what it’s OK to think and feel. 

Feeling very alone and very scared. 

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What a poorly brain does to the good stuff

Earlier I wrote about the first tiny glimpse of optimism I’ve experienced in decades; tonight I wanted to follow up by writing about what a poorly brain can do to even those fleeting bits of positivity or hope. How I scare myself with the level of self-sabotage my brain undertakes automatically. Since my meeting earlier, my… Continue reading What a poorly brain does to the good stuff

Cautious Optimism

The O word? Did I really just use the O word? I can’t begin to remember the last time I used – and definitely not felt – optimism for myself in any way.  But today I met with the Manager/Social Worker, Occupational Therapist and Senior Recovery Worker from my placement for the first time since… Continue reading Cautious Optimism

THE Assessment

*Trigger Warning: Explicit discussion of suicide attempts, self harm and suicidal ideation*   For 6 months now, my care has been focussed around and towards a long-term placement in a pilot therapeutic-community-come-recovery-house-come-something-all-of-its-own. The placement would be tailored towards high risk patients with long term complex needs (e.g. me), providing 24 hour CQC approved specialist support… Continue reading THE Assessment