Today has been a strange old day in my world. Mainly nothing ‘serious’…messing around with the staff at my placement, meeting with my care coordinators, talking to the mental health professionals here about things I’ve been working on, preparing to interview new staff with the senior recovery workers, watching Children in Need… However, a thread… Continue reading The Power of Pride and Humour
WARNING: DISCUSSION OF THE THOUGHT PROCESSES SURROUNDING SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL IDEATION – PLEASE TAKE CARE READING ON IF YOU MIGHT BE TRIGGERED OR UPSET BY THIS As I start typing this, it’s 2am, and I’ve only just finished a 3 hour conversation with the person working the ‘waking night’ shift at my placement, who… Continue reading How Does This All Work?
Earlier I wrote about the first tiny glimpse of optimism I’ve experienced in decades; tonight I wanted to follow up by writing about what a poorly brain can do to even those fleeting bits of positivity or hope. How I scare myself with the level of self-sabotage my brain undertakes automatically. Since my meeting earlier, my… Continue reading What a poorly brain does to the good stuff
The O word? Did I really just use the O word? I can’t begin to remember the last time I used – and definitely not felt – optimism for myself in any way. But today I met with the Manager/Social Worker, Occupational Therapist and Senior Recovery Worker from my placement for the first time since… Continue reading Cautious Optimism
Still not processing the news.
*Trigger Warning: Explicit discussion of suicide attempts, self harm and suicidal ideation* For 6 months now, my care has been focussed around and towards a long-term placement in a pilot therapeutic-community-come-recovery-house-come-something-all-of-its-own. The placement would be tailored towards high risk patients with long term complex needs (e.g. me), providing 24 hour CQC approved specialist support… Continue reading THE Assessment
Frazzled – Visual Journal 10/4/16
A day of LOTS of sobbing, some impressive catastrophising, tonnes of anxiety (mental but also highly physical), lots of fear, bucket loads of self hatred, and some determination (positive) which I’ve now started to wonder if it’s selfish and criticise myself for it…
Can’t Breathe – Visual Journal 4/4/16 (2)