Missing Loved Ones’ Lives

I hate being poorly.  I hate not being there for the people I love.  I hate not being the one people feel they can turn to for support any more (even though they really can still).  I hate missing weddings and birthdays and celebrations.  I hate not hearing the news first hand, both good and… Continue reading Missing Loved Ones’ Lives

How the Suicide Monster Takes Over 

My suicide monster is sneaky. It convinces me that my immense toxicity impacts everyone around me to such an extent that I HAVE to kill myself or face the guilt and sheer ‘wrongness’ of continuing to inflict myself on the world. It creates a cold, calculating, detached haze in order to stop the sadness or fear the teeny bit of me left might feel in case that selfishly stops me acting for the greater good of everyone. 

Am I Embarrassed?

TW Self Harm/Suicide  Last night I took quite a large overdose. It felt like I was powerless to the ‘monster’ within in a way that I can’t explain; but suffice to say, it is and was a terrifying situation. And one thar endured much guilt: for causing worry and a sleepless night for my mum,… Continue reading Am I Embarrassed?

Living in Limbo

It’s a funny time at the moment: I’m waiting to move in to a new placement which is described as: “a 24-hour CQC-registered accommodation service for adults who experience severe mental distress. Residents have multiple and complex needs and are entering the service from high-level support and secure settings or as an alternative to hospital… Continue reading Living in Limbo

A Bit of Monday Morning Silliness

I’m watching This Morning: Holly is ill so Rylan has been brought in last minute.  I’ve just had a call from my support worker to say my community psychiatric nurse is unwell, so support worker will come alone to planned double visit; I propose in future random low level celebs are dropped in to mental… Continue reading A Bit of Monday Morning Silliness

An Example of Crisis Team Excellence

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDAL IDEATION This week has been horrific. So many horrors, for so many reasons. An all-c0nsuming urge to end my life, fed into from different triggers and factors.  But this week I have been so impressed by the response of my local crisis team to me. On Thursday, for the first time ever,… Continue reading An Example of Crisis Team Excellence