Things I Never Thought I’d Be Able to Say: 9 Months in to Inpatient Treatment for Personality Disorder

Out of area locked placements for the treatment of personality disorders frequently get a lot of bad press, and I can often see why this is the case. Fortunately, I have been very lucky (finally!) with my current placement which, although it is several hours drive from home and run by a private company (usually…

“Please, tell me more about my own Goddamn experiences”

Well this really struck a chord; unfortunately I think it will with anyone suffering from mental illnesses, and especially those with the more stigmatized ones such as personality disorders. I genuinely couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times that mental health professionals, with confidence and certainty, tell me rather than ask me (AKA…

The Day My Family Said Goodbye

***TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE, NEAR DEATH, BEREAVEMENT*** Yesterday, my family were told to prepare themselves for my death and were called in to Resus to say their goodbyes. This was at my own hand. We’ve had many close calls –  a stint in intensive care, 3 lots of CPR+adrenaline,  5+ admissions to high dependency…

2-Week-iversary at Placement

This time a fortnight ago, I had been in my new home for just a couple of hours. Except, my new home is a specialist mental health placement for people with complex needs (focusing especially on personality disorders), set up to offer 24 hour help and support for between 1 and 3 years – a…

The Start

This week brought the start of my specialist placement – a residential, psychologically-based project offering 1-3 years of 24/7 support led by a clinical team for particularly complex cases, and especially people struggling severely with personality disorders. It’s my first time of having contact with any specialist service, and bizarrely enough it’s the first time…

Awareness Without Provision…Still

Unfortunately my post from last year’s Suicide Awareness Day/Week is still sadly pertinent. Source: Awareness Without Provision  “This week is suicide prevention week and there’s a lot of discussion and debate about the support appropriate for those in suicidal crisis – how to prevent one killing oneself and, better, how to prevent reaching such a…

Liver Damage

Trigger Warning: Suicide  I won’t go in to specific details (although elements – but not all – will be easily deduced) but on Friday I fully intended to take my own life and made a very serious attempt at doing so…just a week after my last attempt.  After 3 days on a High Dependency Unit…

Awareness Without Provision — thedoodlechroniclesblog

My contribution to #TimetoTalk day: A piece that I wrote for suicide prevention day that is equally applicable to this awareness day, about the desperate need to increase the provision of help/treatment/support available for mental health struggles, not just raise awareness. This week is suicide prevention week and there’s a lot of discussion and debate…

The Ones Who Make a Difference

​Tonight I am incredibly thankful for an awesome crisis nurse who was patient, compassionate and funny over the phone to me both in the middle and right at the very end of her 15 hour shift today. She likely was in charge for most or all of the day, so goodness knows the strains she’s…

‘The Crisis Team Cure: A Parody of Advice Commonly Given to Vulnerable & Distressed People in Mental Health Crisis’

Oh how I wish I could say this was a complete fantasy or massive exaggeration, however it is scarily close to the truth. In fact, in the past week alone, every single one of these things (and more) have been suggested or said to me (minus pouring the tea directly over my head whilst in the bath…but I’ve felt like doing so out of sheer desperation and frustration) and I have had constant responses such as this in the past. And it isn’t just me; what prompted me to draw this were several posts in the Mind Our Minds and Doodle Chronicles Peer Support Groups.

Time and again, highly vulnerable and distressed people are dismissed with condescending suggestions of having a bath/cup of tea/walk (even when certain of these things at certain times actually pose an additional risk) and/or are criticised and blamed for being acutely unwell, rather than being offered even a short amount of therapeutic interaction or appropriate assessment/intervention.

I do want to finish by saying that by no means am I suggesting that all crisis team staff act in this way (I have had 2 simply outstanding phone conversations with crisis team nurses over the past week, as well, which I hope to write about when I am able – this past post demonstrates the confusing and opposing approach of crisis team staff) and I want to say a huge thank you to those of you who do this demanding, undervalued and underpaid job with kindness and professionalism – you are true superheroes.

Shut Up or Complain: A Terrifyingly Flawed Mental Health System

Time and again I come across the same rhetoric in mental health care: if you have any queries, concerns, ideas or wishes other than what is presented to you exactly as is, you are told to complain. Notions of personalised, patient-centred care – though frequently promoted – are often nowhere to be seen in reality,…

A Broken Mental Health System Breaking Patients and Staff Alike

​This article is such a devastating read.  ‘As I exit the hospital gates, the nurse mask slips from my face. Tears stream down my cheeks and for the first time in my 10 years of nursing I think: “I don’t think I can do this any more”.’ I always worry about the strains on the amazing…

The Shining Stars in Mental Health

There truly are some heroes in mental health, and boy do they deserve more recognition and respect than they get. I cannot begin to describe the impact that just one truly truly caring, talented professional can have on someone who is struggling with their mental health, especially when in the depths of crisis.  I am…

The Therapy Session I Almost Walked Out Of

I am renowned,  both personally and with those who look after my health, for being incredibly calm, compliant, patient and willing to try everything. But today I thought that might all change. I approached this session, as I do most, with intense apprehension: even after 3 months,  I still don’t really have a feel for…

When is a Failure Not a Failure?

I saw my interim care coordinator today. Yesterday,  I text her to ask if she could please read my psychologist’s notes before our meeting because I had gotten myself into a state and wanted to know if I was just catastrophising or if my prospects were as bleak as I was convinced they were. She…