Pondering Friendship

A wonderful friend visited me in hospital today and we had a surprisingly philosophical discussion about the nature of friendship.  As I’ve mentioned before, a lot of my illness stems from issues with relationships and ideas about the self – my worth, my purpose, my impact on others – and this creates a strange dynamic… Continue reading Pondering Friendship

Using Art Therapy to Test Out Freedom, Expression and Imperfection

Today’s art therapy was about going big and expressive as a step towards losing my ever-present intense control & perfectionism

Metaphorically Dumping Guilt and Self-Hatred

Following a conversation yesterday about the fact that it will likely be guilt that’s the final nail in the coffin (sorry for the dark pun) towards my suicide, the crisis team manager went searching for some boulders for me. Today she turned up hauling these with her and together we wrote ‘GUILT’ and ‘SELF-HATRED’ on them then metaphorically dumped them outside. 

I thought this was a wonderful gesture, some amazing ouside-the-box thinking by an already stretched mental health professional, and a great idea. Definitely well worth a try!

Let’s hope even part of those torturously heavy boulders can stay out there. 

Art Therapy: Enough Said!

I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital yesterday. One of the most therapeutic things about being in hospital for me has always been art therapy and fortunately this wsrs has it on Friday mornings. I drew a large, expressive picture which I forgot to take a photo of but also made this model of me which I then battered with a rolling pin and different tools…I think it says it all! 

Liver Damage

Trigger Warning: Suicide  I won’t go in to specific details (although elements – but not all – will be easily deduced) but on Friday I fully intended to take my own life and made a very serious attempt at doing so…just a week after my last attempt.  After 3 days on a High Dependency Unit… Continue reading Liver Damage