Squashed (Visual Journal – Mental Illness)

A Particularly Jam-Packed Day at a Placement for Complex Mental Illness

Tomorrow has become a bit of an unwieldy beast: 11am Review with Senior Recovery Worker 1.30pm House Meeting 2pm Interviewing New Staff 2pm Session with in-house OT Hoping that overnight I learn how to split myself in to 3 😂 times will be changed but that itself is panic-worthy! ALL THE STRESS in one day.

A Year On – Where Am I?

****Trigger Warning: Discussion of Suicide Attempts and Their Aftermath****   On this day, a year ago, my heart stopped beating. I had been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 months and my mental distress was at such a height – combined with not a single drop of hope – that I decided both that I… Continue reading A Year On – Where Am I?

Without Hope and Too Unwell to Write

Currently, I’m struggling massively and am very unwell. I’ve started so many posts or thought of so much that I want to write about, but just haven’t been able. It’s a fight to see each hour through. It’s a fight to continue breathing.  It’s a fight that I don’t know that I want to win.… Continue reading Without Hope and Too Unwell to Write

Bum in a Puddle, Crying

It can’t get much worse than that, right? At least you’re not wasting tissues. Wrong, it can get worse: the longest snot stalactite known to man could make an appearance, blowing in the wind until you have a snot scarf to match your tear balaclava. This is the glamorous reality of my life with mental… Continue reading Bum in a Puddle, Crying

The Woman Responsible For Me Still Breathing

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation (please take care!) Today my care coordinator saw me for the first time in what must be approaching two and a half months, after being unwell herself. It is no understatement to say that this woman is the reason I’m still breathing today, having somehow broken through those otherwise indestructible walls… Continue reading The Woman Responsible For Me Still Breathing

Therapy: Tears and Confusion

Well, I was a mess in therapy. Couldn’t even put a number on the distress a distressing memory caused me because the cause of that distress is the “intentionally cruel and punitive” way a mental health professional treated me (their words) and their brainwashing that I wasn’t feeling what I was feeling…leaving me unable to… Continue reading Therapy: Tears and Confusion

*hides under blanket and wishes away the mentals*

I don’t wanna do this any more. I’m too tired and this fight is too hard; so much work to do. Feeling very lazy and pathetic to be voicing this but I’m just so exhausted and fed up of this. It’s too much, I’m too weak…how can I do this? I have been working hard… Continue reading *hides under blanket and wishes away the mentals*